I Am Scared

Before I began my confessio, let me share my Tuesday Tribute:


The display on our fridge reminds us how blessed we are in our many friends.


Back to confessio.

I am scared.  I am anxious and worried.  I haven’t been scared, anxious, or worried for a good long time, but Mama-worries are enough to top most any bipolar/anxiety medication.

I mentioned we’re trying to solve the riddle that is Ben’s allergies.  Things, it seems, have escalated.  Possible anaphylaxis-escalated.  We’ve added gluten, soy, and strawberry to the list of possible allergens after his face turned beet red and his lips swelled a bit after eating them.

That brings the list to the following:
– Dairy
– Egg
– Nuts and peanuts
– Tomato
– Wheat/gluten
– Soy
– Strawberries

My mom suggested that the tomato and strawberries together could indicate sensitivity to acidic fruits, which is certainly a possibility.  Blueberries also seem to cause some digestive issues.  At the moment I can’t remember what oranges and orange juice does.

What frightens me most is the anaphylaxis.  I have allergies myself, but with the exception of tree nuts (and peanuts for safety’s sake), my allergies are of the food intolerance variety.  If I eat an offending food, I react, but not in a life-threatening way.  But Ben’s turning red and—oh, my, goodness!—swelling have my mother-worry skittering around my insides.

I’ve said the words, “I am powerless.”  I repeat, “Jesus, I trust in You.”  I’ve asked the Holy Family for their intercession.

Yet I know I haven’t surrendered this.  Not really.

I both want to fix it and and feel paralyzed because we have no idea what the real cause is.  We met with my allergist (an excellent doctor) a few months ago, but with Ben having this kind of reaction, we need to get his pediatrician on board as well.  Tomorrow we meet with her.  In the meantime, I’ve purchased children’s Benadryl to have on hand in case of emergency.

A friend whose brother has severe anaphylaxis sent me some advice and information which I plan to look over again.  Another friend whose daughter also has allergies has promised to help me troubleshoot meal planning.  My husband says we need to take Jessica Seinfeld into our hearts if we’re going to get nutritious food down this picky kid.

Nutrition… yikes.

Both Ben and I are now gluten-free, nut-free, soy-free vegans who happen to eat meat.  That’s how we have to think of ourselves.  Problem is that the only meat Ben will eat is bacon (meat candy!) and fish sticks (thank you, Ian’s, for existing, and Meijer, for selling it).  Without meat, I’m not sure where his protein and fat is going to come from.  Bacon, you rock.

All this leads to money worries.  Do you know how expensive eating gluten-free can be?  Not that we’re necessarily trying to make up for bread—for grains, I eat mostly rice—but a picky little boy’s diet is a different matter altogether.

I can’t even go there now.  Talk about anxiety.

That’s my confession.  After tomorrow’s pediatric visit we’ll have a better idea of how to move forward.  In the meantime, say a prayer for us.  For Ben, of course, but also for us. My head and heart are stuck on the anxiety merry-go-round and it’s making me dizzy.

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4 thoughts on “I Am Scared

  1. Oh man, that sounds scary indeed. Sounds like you might get to start carrying an EpiPen Jr. We’ve had training sessions on those every year at school, so it is good to know that they are out there and very effective in case of anaphylaxis. I will be praying for Ben and for peace to be with you…because I know the anxiety merry-go-round all too well and it sucketh much. And praising God for bacon.


  2. Pingback: One Big Happy Allergy Family « The Naptime Novelist

  3. You know, before we put Patrick on a special diet he ate no protein. Once we removed the offending foods? He was a total carnivore. There’s hope but I’ll be praying.


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